Overcoming Past
After two years onto that dark path, I eventually realized
how my life had been spiraling down. I looked at myself and everything I had
done, and admitted I was worth more. I planned ahead, booked myself a trip and
left 3 months in Europe. Stepping away from reality made me understand where
I’d gone wrong. When I got back, I started fresh. Over the following years, I
worked various legal and more modest jobs. I was on a quest to find meaning. While
my new life made a bit more sense, I was still haunted by the demons of my past
and attempted on many occasions to kick the habits.
At 22, feeling utterly empty, I decided it was time
for further changes. I was filling the void with all the wrong things, so I returned
to school hoping it would fix things. I completed two certificates part-time
here at UQAM and even did the third of a degree. I alternated jobs, study
programs, relationships and ways to escape hoping to find purpose. By that
time, while I still struggled a bit with addictions and uncertainty, the path my
life was following was much cleaner and thus, much clearer.
By the age of 30, I had been places and had had
lots of fun. Yet, I still had not found what I wanted from life, but I was on
the right path. Despite many years of mistakes and bad choices, I had
accomplished things and I had never abandoned fighting for a better life. Despite
the instability, I found pride in my constant attempts at getting better. I
realized then that what I had hoped for during all these years had actually
occurred. I had found—me!
So, working full-time and nurturing a traveling
passion, it took me more than 10 years to figure it out. I had to see through
many perspectives, from the person I am when I fear and wish to abandon, to the
person I am when I dream and strive to conquer, in order to get a glimpse of
what I was hoping for.
Had it emerged by itself? No. I had created it. I
had created everything I was longing for. I had found my way out, all by myself.
I had sought, I had tried, and I had fought to stay out. It is then I understood
that the strength to fight my demons was already within me. I came to realize
that what we seek is often already within us. We just need to be reminded of
our worth. It has to do with hope and the will to live. It has to do with love
and confidence. Through awareness and introspection, I had found a way to
release this strength.
All along, what I needed to do was to create
purpose. After trying and failing, I was finally succeeding. The ugliness
turned into beauty, and pride became love. With this new self-love I dared
dreaming of better tomorrows and decided on a path to follow in order to achieve
dreams I was finally creating. I chose to pass on what I learned. I chose to
seek opportunities to learn, to teach, and to pursue for the greater good. So,
I started the English certificate and was given an opportunity. After years of
efforts and numerous mistakes, unexpectedly, I had what I had hoped for—purpose.
I have absolutely no regrets. I know I had to follow
such a road to understand what I now understand, and to be who I am today. Soon
to be completing my studies, not only have I learned how to be a better citizen
and professional, I have learned to be a better human.
I am love, the dreams and the possibilities.
We all are.
Anonymous
English certificate student
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